Booty Calls Game

You know what I’ve been missing lately? Booty calls. I mean, I can still call up a broad to come over, have a couple beers and sit on my face, but it just ain’t the same now that I’ve got to wear a face mask the whole time. The shit just ain’t the same in these weird pandemic times.

At least video games and porn ain’t affected, huh? Hell, if anything, you’ve got much more time to indulge in both thanks to all those months stuck at home, social distancing. Check this shit out: today I’ve got a game that will help you get your porn fix, your gaming fix, and even a little bit of that sexual connection fix. Booty Calls is a free dating simulator and puzzle game with a hentai theme. Grease up your neckbeard and put on your best fedora, it’s time to find a waifu or get laid trying.

Multi-Platform Booty Calling Action

You can play Booty Calls right now on the web, or download it for PC, Mac, or Android. Either way, it’s free. I’ll be playing the web version at Nutaku, because I’m using the computers at the library until my tech guy can rig up a keyboard that won’t short out every single time it gets drenched in a thick mixture of lube and semen. The game is also available on Steam, which gives it an air of legitimacy you don’t get with every porn game.

You do need a Nutaku account, which I kind of assume most of you already have by this point. If not, don’t worry: it’s quick, easy, and totally free. You don’t have to give them your credit card number, though you’ll be given plenty of opportunities later. If you’ve never used Nutaku, check out my review of the site, or just follow my link over to their Booty Calls page and follow the instructions.

Those of you already familiar with Nutaku know their reputation. These guys are known for making some of the best porn games out there in terms of both gameplay and graphics. Booty Calls follows that tradition, with high quality standards and production values throughout.

Meet Some Girls, and Then More Girls

You ever jack off to The Little Mermaid? The babe you’ll meet in the beginning, Andriella, reminds me of the Disney Princess, but maybe it’s just that red hair and the fact that she’s laying on the beach in the game’s loading screen. Instead of a fish tail, though, she’s got a shapely pair of legs, a nice ass, and a cooter peeking out between.

Andriella is the hot anime chick who will walk you through the game’s intro, teach you the ropes, and pop up from time to time to give you pointers and show you her naughty bits. It’s a standard character in any good porn game, and a good taste of what’s to come. If Andriella gets you hard, just wait until you see all the manga chicks you’ll meet and the dirty hentai you’ll unlock.

On it’s face, Booty Calls is a pretty straight-forward dating simulator. You’ll unlock different locations around town, where you’ll make money and meet girls. You’ll spend that money on the girls and on making yourself more attractive to them, unlocking more and more content as you progress.

The early stages of the game have you putting the moves on bitches at the Juicy Bar, the Beach, the Café and the Mall. There’s a Fun Park right fucking square in the middle of it all, but you’ll have to work to unlock it. It’s buried behind a grey box, taunting you with what might lie within.

When you meet a girl or click her Talk button, you’ll be able to chat her up. The conversations play out like a visual novel, so get your clicking finger ready. I wish the pictures had some motion to them as you tapped through the conversations, but at least they look hot. Later, you’ll be able to change their outfits.

Unlike other games, it seems to really matter what you say to these girls during conversations, so don’t just click blindly! You’ll see a green check by the answer if you’ve chosen correctly, or a red X if you done fucked up again. You’ll also notice the effect in their responses, with broads going a little cold if you say something that doesn’t appeal to them. I guess I shouldn’t have told that little-bootied white girl how much I love big butts.

Even Your Grandma Would Love This

If you’ve got enough energy, you can click the Date button instead of just Talking. Sometimes the girls tell you to come back tomorrow, but most of them are ready, willing and able. The question is, ready, willing and able to do what?

The dates in Booty Calls play like some game your aunt keeps sending you invites for. It’s a very basic puzzle game where you’ll drag your finger or mouse through all the balls of matching color, making them explode. The remaining balls on the board settle downwards, and the empty space is filled with some balls that come from above, like what your mom saw last night when I was over there.

There are some little powerups and shit that you’ll hit occasionally, but to be real, there ain’t much to it at all. The gameplay is super simple, which might be why it’s addictive. Seriously, if you stripped out the boobies and hoo-has, this game would be fun for all ages.

The downside to that simplicity is that some of you hardcore gamers are going to think it’s boring as fuck. If you’re the kind of masochist who plays shit like Dark Souls, you’re going to hate this. Booty Calls is casual, for sure, built to be accessible to damn near anybody. It’s an interesting gameplay choice for a game designed for weaboo virgins, but who am I to judge?

I’m not sure how long the gameplay would stay interesting to the semi-casual gamer, either. I didn’t feel like the game was getting any harder as I played, and I never lost a level. Winning levels meant unlocking new chicks and new hentai, so I was tempted to keep grinding. The thing that slowed me down wasn’t an increasingly level of difficulty, as it is in most non-porn games, but a more insidious distraction common to Nutaku offerings: the dreaded in-app purchases.

Help, I’m Out of Energy!

Nutaku games are typically free to play, but they’re still trying to get your money. Usually, they’ll tease you with some goodies that are just out of reach until collect another gem, another dildo, or another stack of coins. You can either keep grinding to get those resources and advance the game, or you can spend some actual money to get there faster.

In Booty Calls, the energy points are the big bottleneck. Just talking to a girl will cost you one point, and going on a date will run you four. You’re basically hemorrhaging those points just by playing the game. Since energy ain’t easy to get, you soon back yourself into a corner with nothing to do.

I actually Googled it to see if I was just doing something wrong. It turns out a lot of people are pissed off about the energy points. “You can’t win it without money,” wrote one pissed-off dude on the Steam forums.

Here’s the good news: points recharge with time, and Nutaku saves your progress automatically. I played for a while, used up the 20 energy I had, and then quit. A couple hours later, when I loaded it up again, the game was right back where I left it, but I had 20 fresh energy points.

Cheapskates can only play Booty Calls in bursts thanks to their crippling system of in-app purchases, but you’ll probably have fun before your energy runs out. Whether you’re going the cheapo route or breaking out the Visa card, Booty Calls combines addictive puzzle gameplay with a visual-novel style dating simulator. The puzzles and hentai are both enough to make you want to keep playing.