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Who’s up for some Cunt Wars today? I know it sounds like I’m just ragging on Star Wars, but it’s actually one of the most popular sex games in the world, with nearly 4 million players a month getting into fierce scraps with even fiercer cunts. I still haven’t figured out if the name is juvenile or genius, but maybe it straddles a fine line. Whatever the case, you’re never going to forget what this one’s called.
One of the things the coronavirus has taken away from nerds is the joy of playing collectible card games like Yu-Gi-Oh, Pokemon and Magic: The Gathering with fellow neckbeards at the local comic shop. I don’t mean to burst your bubble, but those were never so great to begin with. I’m not just saying that because the local place banned me for indecent exposure, but because none of the games ever feature any explicit nudity and uncensored hentai fucking. Well, my friends, let me introduce you to CuntWars.com, a free porn game that combines turn-based combat with collectible card games and hardcore anime porn.
Build a Deck and Fight Some Sluts
CuntWars has an official Android app available, or you can play on the web. I’ll be loading up the web-based version for this review, just because I like the instant accessibility of web games. It’s built on Unity, putting it lightyears ahead of all the porn games still running on flash. The game will prompt you to create an account, but you don’t have to immediately. Despite the repeated warnings, the site’s cookies will save a lot of your progress even if you don’t sign up right away.
Cunt Wars is filled with incredible, professional, and entirely fappable hentai artwork. You’ll notice that from the loading screens even before the game starts. This is no bait and swith, either, as that high level of quality is consistent throughout the game. Overall, the game has a very high level of polish and quality control. It doesn’t have the amateur vibe common to so many adult-themed video games.
CuntWars.com takes place in a fantasy world with goblin babes, succubus broads, and sexy warrior sluts with huge titties and few clothes. As with many card games, your deck is your team of fighters, and what do you know? Your team is made up of hot anime chicks with swords and crucifixes, bows and arrows, and some gorgeous exposed titties. If you’re going to get in a fight, you don’t want those massive melons to be restrained in any way.
You’ll get some cards at the beginning, and then you’ll continually collect more as the game progresses. You’ll need to upgrade them as you build your deck, sometimes stacking multiple copies of the same card to create a better version. As you get tougher, so do your enemies, who also tend to be gorgeous hentai sluts with their boobs out.
Addictive Gameplay Plus Naked Anime Girls
Cunt Wars feels like it has a lot of elements to keep track of, but that’s only half true. There are a lot of elements, but you don’t necessarily have to keep track of every little thing at all times. The learning curve ain’t too steep, so it’s easy to jump into the game and start playing.
Aside from building and leveling your deck, the other main gameplay element of CuntWars.com is the battles. These play out on a 4×6 grid with opponents on opposite sides. Teams can’t cross that center line, so get your melee fighters up front and your ranged weapons in the back. Helpful arrows suggest good moves, so take advantage of those, especially if you’re new to the game.
If strategic card battles ain’t your thing, there’s also a built-in, optional Auto-Play mode that makes all the moves for you while you sit back and stroke your cock. This is a good option if card collecting appeals to you, but you’re bored with the chess/RPG-style grid fighting. My biggest complaint about this mode is that while the battle sprites are well-drawn and professional looking, they’re drawn in a chibi style that ain’t all that conducive to hardcore wank sessions.
As you build your deck, keep an eye on your Might rating. I had been leveling up for a while before I even noticed it. The battles listed on the Journey screen are tagged with a suggested Might, which gives you a pretty solid idea what you’re in store for. It turned out I had a bunch lined up that I could absolutely crush before getting to the tougher fights.
There is a story to Cunt Wars, though it’s pretty loose and won’t matter all that much to most players. What will matter is that as you progress the story, you’ll unlock more and more hentai scenes to fill your gallery. They play out like visual novels, with clickthrough text overlaid on some of the best hentai of the game. There’s some light animation, like a blue-skinned devil girl slobbing your knob while flanked by a couple blonde human hotties.
You’ll Be Winning All Day Long
Cunt Wars is a game where you often feel like you’re winning. There’s an addictive, casino-type thrill to all the treasure the game constantly seems to be throwing at you. When you’re not winning cards, treasure chests and gems during the battles, you’re getting them through daily rewards and quests you had no idea you were even on. There’s a good chance you’ll see multiple payouts between your actual fights.
Those casino thrills cut both ways, though. The house always wins, as they say. You may be getting tons of rewards, but the game is always teasing you with what’s to come. There are a variety of resources to collect and use throughout Cunt Wars, and they always make sure you’re just a little bit short of what you need for the next level-up.
You regular porn game players already know what this means. Cunt Wars is “free-to-play”, which means “pay if you want to.” For some games, it means “pay to win”, but fortunately that wasn’t my experience with this one. The gacha feels completely optional, so free players aren’t going to be shorted content or have their gameplay experience crippled.
The game isn’t too aggressive with the in-app purchases. They’re always available via a link or two on the map page, but they don’t spam you with full-screen special offers before every round like some of the games over at Nutaku. Ultimately, being willing to shell out a few bucks will help you progress through the game faster, building a stronger deck and unlocking more of those h-scenes.
For what it’s worth, I’ve played a few sessions of CuntWars.com so far and I’ve never felt like I needed to bust out my wallet to keep playing and keep having fun. Maybe I’m just a cheapskate, but the gacha is integrated really well here; you’ll be rewarded for using it if you want, but free players won’t be punished.
Deeper Gameplay as You Get Better
One of the things I like about Cunt Wars is how the game seems to evolve and grow as you progress. Different gameplay elements are unlocked as you level up, adding new wrinkles to the gameplay. Hours into the game, you’ll still see new things popping up and others waiting to be unlocked. The card leveling screens is a good example, where options like Evolve, SoulBind, Reborn and Request are slowly unveiled as you fight these noble fights.
Another great example of the evolving nature of the game is the PvP fights. You should expect them in any kind of collectible card game, but sometimes the online porn versions leave them out. I didn’t realize I could fight other players until I’d played for a while and suddenly Cunt Wars let me know I could get into it with fellow gamer pervs.
CuntWars.com is one of the better porn card games out there, and the strategic, turn-based battles ain’t bad, either. The entire production is professional as hell, with addictive gameplay that draws you in immediately, not to mention those h-scenes that’ll make you want to keep fighting. The game design is engaging, keeping things interesting so you never feel like you’re just grinding. Check it out if you ever wished Magic: The Gathering had more group sex scenes.
- Free xxx card game with turn-based battles
- Tons of high-quality hentai
- Professional production values
- Easy learning curve
- Auto-play mode for fights
- In-app purchases