Evenicle

Aw shit, here we go again. Evenicle is … a bit of a mixed bag, but it’s undoubtedly one of the greatest porn games ever made. There’s so much to say about this amazing smut title that I don’t even know where to start. Ok, let’s cover the basics. It’s an RPG with visual novel style interactions and turn based combat. So far so good. It’s basically a pornographic Final Fantasy. Hell, even the art style matches that game. It’s all standard hentai, but with very bright colors and a sort of innocent vibe. That’s what makes this game a fucking enigma. You start it up, you get to know the main character and you’re told that sexy shit is going to happen. Then… something very awkward happens, something that will scar you for life and you realize that this game has sinister undertones. On the surface, Evenicle is an innocent RPG about a young lad who’s just trying to get laid. It is his life’s mission. I can relate. Speaking of relating, the women he wants to bang are his actual twin sisters. I don’t relate so much with that part, but I mean, to each his own. They’re hot, so it wasn’t much of a problem for me. They ain’t my sisters. Anyways, the game has a simple premise, but a complicated world with so many rules to keep track off. But, I’ll cover all the basics and explain what makes this game a sinister masterpiece of smut fiction.

The Rules of this World

Evenicle takes place in a hellish dystopia in which casual sex is the absolute worst sin anyone can commit. The world is governed by a goddess who has made herself very clear about how much she hates extramarital affairs. You see, this is why women shouldn’t be given political power, because they’ll fuck up the best part of being alive – having casual sex. Anyways, this world’s goddess has forbidden everyone and anyone from having sex outside of wedlock. In case you’re wondering, she gets really technical about it. Sex in the butt doesn’t count. So, I guess gay men are off the hook. But, red blooded virile straight men are kind of fucked. If you get your hands on some quality pussy, the goddess rains death upon you. And how does she do that? Well, if you have sex with someone outside of marriage, you get permanently marked with a cursed black band around your finger. I guess this is some sort of symbolic gesture, like you’re married to sin or something. Anyways, once you’ve gotten one of these black marks, you can never remove it. It’s magical and it refuses to budge. Also, it brands you with a curse that makes everything you touch fall apart, literally and figuratively. Plants that you tend to wither away. Animals that you raise, die. People that befriend you suffer extreme misfortunes. So, civilized society has no other option but to brand you an outcast and exile you.

A Weird Political System

Yes, we’re still talking about a smut game. Evenicle is deep and complex, what can I say? Anyways, the goddess’s rules have made for a complicated political system that … kind of works, I guess. If you have the black mark on your finger, you get exiled and you are now officially a bandit. That means that you have to spend the rest of your days robbing other people for food, because you can’t grow any yourself. And, if you rape anyone along the way, they get to join you in being a bandit. It’s a hell of a system. The goddess doesn’t intervene with this system in any way, either. Once you’re marked, her job is done. She’s already cursed you. You don’t get punished for raping anyone. Only your victim suffers. That makes this particular goddess the worst feminist in the history of all fictional worlds. I mean she dead ass uses divine powers to punish rape victims for being raped. Where’s the fairness in that? Anyways, let’s get back to the pussy fucking. How do you fuck hot babes without becoming an outlaw? It’s simple. You have to marry every babe that you bang. And, to marry multiple babes, you have to become a knight. Knights are the hip cool kids who protect the innocents of the realm from outlaws. In fact, your character’s entire motivation in this game is to become a knight so that he can eventually return to his hometown, marry his two sisters and fuck their brains out. He’s a weird guy, but he’s got his mind on pussy, so naturally he’s earned my respect.

The Main Character

He’s a generic doofus, but he’s more personality than 99% of all hentai protagonists I’ve ever seen. He cracks jokes, he’s always relaxed and aloof and his general refusal to take anything seriously makes the story very entertaining. Everyone around him seems to be painfully aware that they’re basically living in a dystopia, but not him. He always has a smile on his face, because he’s always thinking about that sweet pussy that’s just around the corner. I like this guy so much, I could cry. I wish that my son turns out this enlightened, when I eventually decide to settle down and have a son, that is. He’s also extremely lucky, for what it’s worth. Women seem to fall in his lap, pretty much all the time. And, it’s all accidental. The very first chick you bang in this game is a fellow knight, who is as gorgeous as she is fuckable. She succumbs to an illness and the only way to cure her is to have sex with her, but that means you also have to marry her. So, by simply being in the right place at the right time, you get a free hot waifu who pretty much has to have sex with you. Isn’t that a fucking marvel?

Fucked Up Shit

So, I mentioned that Evenicle is very sinister, even though it’s overall very cheerful. This game actually managed to traumatize me, no jokes. I’ve played some nasty ass rape-simulators, but what this game had in store for me… I was not prepared; I’ll say that much. I dead ass watched a girl get stretched out by a bunch of outlaws. I had to listen to hear scream and beg for mercy. She knew that what they were doing to her would brand her for life and essentially be the end. She could never go back to her husband. She could never see any of her friends again. But that wasn’t the end of it, oh no. She kind of went completely insane, chopping off all of her fingers and all of her toes, hoping that the black mark would eventually leave her alone. It did not work. Every time she chopped off a finger, the mark appeared on another digit, until eventually she was left fingerless, but still cursed. She could not escape her fate. But wait, there’s more. Yes, this particular chick, who did not deserve any of the cards she was dealt, managed to get raped again, by a bunch of monsters. Monsters, unlike outlaws, are an entirely different class of trouble. You see, when monsters haven’t eaten for a while, they get a craving for human flesh. So, I had to watch and listen as this girl begged the monsters to please rape her instead of… well… eating her. That didn’t work. They raped the hell out of her, then snapped her neck and well, you know where I’m going with this. She got eaten. Poor girl could not catch a break. Anyways, that shit traumatized me for life and for a small, nominal fee of $44.99 you can get the same gut-wrenching experience on Steam.

Hard Recommend

The game’s extremely well made, properly voice acted, and optimized to hell and back. It would run great on a toaster, provided that toaster runs Windows and was made in the past decade or so. This is the kind of well-rounded porn game that you can enjoy for a very long time. There are no micro-transactions and if you enjoy the turn-based combat, the game is an absolute gem. The story is also very intricate and comes with a veritable fuck-ton of sex scenes that only get hotter as the game progresses. By the end of Evenicle, you’ll have an entire harem of sexy waifus that have all pledged themselves to worshipping your cock. As for whether or not you actually get to bang your hot twin sisters, well, you’ll have to play the game for yourself and find out.