Futanari Quest

Ah yes, Futanari Quest, the game that almost never was. This game was finished and published. Hell, it was almost published twice. It’s ready for download and you could play it right now if you wanted to. But, there’s so much casual controversy and criticism around this game that you might want to give it a pass. And no, not because it’s centered around futas. I actually don’t mind futas. They have tits. I like tits. No, this game spiraled down the toilet on its own merits. It’s a poorly made game. There’s just no way around it. Of all the RPG Maker games I’ve ever played, this one ranks really fucking low on the list. There are few nice things to say about Futanari Quest, but I’ll try to find a crap-covered gem to share here and there. One way or another, the community was really displeased with this game and so were Steam. The developer originally wanted to publish this game on Steam, but after a lengthy and unfortunate waiting period, the game was denied. As far as I can tell the game is still listed as “coming soon”, since two years ago. It’s not coming soon. It’s not coming ever. Instead, the developer hopped over to Nutaku and had them sell it, but as of writing this review the game has been removed from their store as well. So, I guess this is an abandonware title now. You have to get it on third-party sites instead. As for whether you’d like to play it… well. Let’s dig into the finer details of this dick-girl themed game.

Cursed with a Dick

You play as Yui, a bland and generic girl with catholic schoolgirl morality. Her story takes off at the speed of light when a fairy jumps her right outside of her home and curses her with a gigantic schlong. I know that I have a dangerous python in my pants, but this girl manages to upstage even me. The damn thing is huge. It’s so big it’s a threat to any woman within a five-mile radius. Why? Well, as the fairy explains, you’re going to have to use the damn thing to impregnate any and every woman that you can get your hands on. You see, it’s not just any penis, it’s a magical penis. For some reason, in this world, pregnancy has sort of become a thing of the past. The world is in shambles and no-one’s really sure why this is happening. People straight up can’t make babies anymore and this might mean the end of all the known races across the realm. Enter Yui, the dick-girl. You are going to single-handedly rescue the planet by repopulating it with your magical schlong. As far as porn game setups go, this is far from the worst. The sad part is that the whole story is just sort of thrown at you with no real explanation as to why you have to go around fucking ovulating babes. You have to do it; you don’t have a choice. Yui is none too pleased about this at first. Honestly, she’s the worst person for the job. I’d do a much better job repopulating this fantastical world. Hell, every time I go on vacation I do a fine job fucking up the gene pool of whatever local populace happens to live near my BnB.

Post-Apocalyptic Medieval Fantasy

This game seems to take place in our world, but with a sort of backwards medieval mentality. There’s tech all-over the place, so it’s clear this must be the future. People have TVs and toasters, but they also run around carrying comically oversized blades. They also wear medieval armor, sometimes. It’s kind of funny to see Yui in her modern business suit and skirt, standing next to a warrior babe wearing a fur pelt. I can’t decide whether this breaks the immersion or counts as ingenious world design. Anyways, the world has been thrown into disarray by a magical apocalypse that has made all the women incapable of having children. Magical cocks like the one you’ve been given are the last bastion of defense for humanity. You have to make babies, because no-one else can. Across the wilds there are also tons of monster babes from various imaginary races. So, you’re going to be meeting a lot of elves, but also cat-girls and the like. There’s never any shortage of boobs in this game. You don’t go too long without seeing a nice pair of knockers. The downside is that most of the time, the boobs are covered up, so you’re just staring at mediocre 2D cleavage. It’s all kind of underwhelming, to be honest. I wish this world embraced nudism.

Fighting Hot Babes

The combat to this game is a spin on the classic RPG Maker turn-based bullshit that you’ve seen a thousand times over. It’s roughly exactly the same. You have a health bar and a mana bar, but they’re called stamina and lust. How original. The real spin is in the actual actions you can take. You don’t fight with weapons in this game, which is ironic, considering most of the warriors around the place carry blades. They never use them though. Instead, you romance your way into the enemies’ pants by tickling, stroking, groping, slapping and shoving them. You’d think that slapping and shoving would be the dominant strategy, but no, they kind of went for an original approach here. Different enemies have different preferences and you have to figure out what they are. So, some enemies will prefer being groped, others will enjoy being slapped. You do some trial and error to figure out what works when and then you blaze through the combat, because it’s repetitive and boring. I know RPG Maker games almost always have turn-based combat, but seeing as how this game cares about the story, they could have just left this part out. Futanari Quest would work just fine without any combat at all.

The Sex Scenes

Ah yes, the best parts. Ok, I’ll throw some love the developer’s way – the sex scenes are hot. I had zero problems jacking off to these sucks and fucks. As Yui, you mostly go around dicking the various unique girls you find throughout the realm, including, but not limited to princesses, elves, monsters and even normal everyday women. Every single sex scene comes with quality penetration. Either you use your cock or someone else uses theirs on you. It’s worth mentioning that you don’t fuck dudes in this game. Works for me. There’s already a cock in the scenario, so who needs dudes? It’s kind of unfortunate that most of the babes look similar to you, especially after they take their clothes off. Some of them are unique looking, like the bombshell blonde from the cover art, but for the most part, it feels like you’re fucking yourself. Either way, the sex scenes are well drawn and you could easily come back to them later and jack off to your heart’s content.

Fully Voice Acted

Here comes the most controversial part of this game. There’s full voice acting throughout the entire game, but it’s dogshit. I’m not ragging on the girls that did the voice overs, they certainly had potential. The problem is, they seemingly got no direction at all. They just blurt out their lines, regardless of what they’re actually saying. This makes the sex scenes really jarring. It doesn’t feel sexy or natural. More than anything it just feels out of place. I know they were trying to up the immersion factor, but no voice-overs are usually better than voice acting that’s this misplaced and janky.

It’s Free and Open-World

You have nothing to lose by trying it out. It’s not exactly much of a commitment. The game will run on any toaster you have lying around, on both Windows and Mac OS. So, find a copy of it, fire it up and jump into the world. It’s open-ended with tons of quests and story details, even though none of them actually make any sense. My point is, you can try Futanari Quest for yourself, especially if you have a thing for girls with dicks. I doubt you’ll enjoy the actual story very much, but an open-world game with tits is still better than nothing, right? It has to be. Otherwise, this game would have been dead and buried a long time ago. It’s always a shame to see porn games taken off the shelves, but in the case of Futanari Quest I can see why this happened. The game falls short across the board, with the exception of the sex scenes which are just north of hot enough. They make for decent faps, so at least you have that.