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I often look for the sex video games that combine copious amounts of erotic content, superb game mechanics, and an engaging story of some sort. But there are some simpler games out there for casuals, which I feel the need to cover as well.
A game which (nearly) all of us are familiar with is Texas hold ‘em-style poker, but I’ll bet you’d never guess that this simple card game has had some sexy twists taken on it.
How is this possible, you ask.
The short answer is showing off erotic footage of drop-dead gorgeous girls spread via the internet for free. Want the long answer? Read the whole review, of course!
This Site Has an Interesting Decade Long History
Usually, I find that most websites, even those of the pornographic variety, take a while to build up over time. When it comes to HESE, it seems to have exploded onto the internet in the late spring and early summer of 2010 like a pornstar’s squirting pussy after an hour-long fuck.
The idea was simple: host an AI-driven poker game that shows sexy photos of porn performers throughout the game for eye candy. At first, they had a handful of performers but added new additions every week.
In just half a year, they had games with fifty girls with some new twists on this game added.
When It Comes to the Visuals the Sense of Immersion Is Excellent
Being fortunately minimalistic, the only thing you are going to see on the gaming portion of the screen are your cards, those which are dealt, the model, and the pot. If you play well, you are rewarded with increasingly revealing and sexy photos of the girl being shown.
Each of them is shown in unique outfits and come from dozens of countries around the world. So, there is a decent range of diversity to select from.
You can see each opponent’s success rate listed on the main pages. On the right-hand side, you can select from a series of filtering criteria such as the top-rated, most played, hardest, and easiest girls. Further, if you are looking for a specific starlet who may be featured, you can use the search bar to see if you can find them.
Need to know how to play or how the site is run? Check out the FAQ section to get all of your questions should be answered. And if you have any advice, that page will link you to the HESE development blog.
The Virtual Players Are Include the Hottest Talent in Adult Entertainment
As I brought up earlier, HESE started out by adding a new performer opponent every week, and they have continued that tradition ever since then. As of now, there are a whopping 5,700 girls (!) on the site to pick from and include some names you’ve probably heard of like Jenny Wild and Angelina K. Besides those gals, there hundreds more who you’ve probably never heard of which I think is great for variety.
Besides the real women, there seems to be a beta version of the site for hentai fans called Fuko Hold ’em. So far, there is only one character presented, but I imagine new ones are going to be added in the future. The rules and the premise are the same, but I included it in case you like the idea of this website and have a thing for animated erotica.
The Rest of the Webpage Is Mess
As great as the virtual opponents are the rest of the page, hell every page is an eyesore to look at. Instead of posting a simple banner below the game portion, there is a huge promo shot of the model’s iStripper avatar.
I understand that the same company owns the two sites, and this is why HESE is free. However, you’d think there would be a less obnoxious way to market another form of entertainment.
Everything else like the tags, sharing buttons, and ads are posted in such a way to look as ugly as possible. Speaking of ads, there are far too many posted all over the place and can be more than distracting at first.
The main pages are even worse than that and will take some adjustment to get used to. Further, the sections that list different levels of difficulty, random opponent buttons, etc. are tucked away in small hyperlinked font to the right side of the screen. Why not give these links a separate category page?
Shockingly, There Is a Social Element As Well
Going into it, I had no expectation that I would see anything in the form of socialization or customer feedback. Color me surprised, there is actually a little bit of both, and you don’t even need an account.
Users can provide star ratings on the pages they’ve played on and even comments as well. Surprisingly, most pages get somewhere around a dozen comments, at least. Not only that, but some are very thorough and will give you a good idea of what sort of sexy pics you are going to see.
My advice when clicking on a page – scroll down and read the user comments first. It’ll get you excited and give you something to look forward to. Just be careful about some of the flame warring which crops up on some pages.
If you want to make a post, all you need to do is submit your name and email. Don’t worry, you can use a pseudonym if you wish to, and your email won’t be publicly posted.
The System Requirements Are a Bit Weird
If you don’t have one, you are going to download or update your Flash player. Beyond that, I found that this game, despite being so simple, the web pages don’t always render well on some devices.
If you stick to a home computer or a laptop, you should be fine, and from what I’ve seen, any browser will do. However, I have found that on mobile devices, Safari does not seem to want to load the Flash system by default. You’ll have to mess with the settings for quite a bit to play on some mobile machines.
Weirdly, that does not mean that the website itself isn’t mobile optimized. Actually, it looks pretty damn good, though I would consider experimenting with net surfing applications for the best results. Also, even with the optimization, you may have a little trouble pressing buttons depending on your screen size.
Here Are the Things I’d Improve If I Could
I get that website maintenance can be expensive, but when adverts always blast your eyes, it kind of gets in the way of having as much fun as possible. If I were a webmaster, I would still have iStripper adverts, but reduce the total number and place them on pages in a more tactful way.
As I have said, the models are incredibly attractive, and what you get to see is certainly titillating. However, I always love seeing more, so getting to see more sexy stills the better.
I’m sure it would be expensive, but it would be even better if – after you won an entire series of rounds – you got a GIF or full video strip show.
It’s not a requirement, I think, but it would be pretty cool if they added some ambient music while playing, too. Even something simple like a few jazzy ditties would do it for me.
Since there isn’t, just plug in your earbuds and pull up Spotify or the music app of your choice to make the whole experience more enjoyable.
It would also be nice to clean up some of the comments to penalize flamers and spammers.
How Does This Game Compare to Other Card Game Simulators?
Now we come to my final comments and whether or not I think you should give this game and its hosting website.
In short, this website does provide an excellent gambling service with a nice nudity feature, too. Another fantastic factor is the fact that it’s free, and you don’t even need an account to play.
But I can’t be overly enthusiastic about Hold ‘em Strip ‘em.
I would like to give this site a higher rating because it truly is a good platform with a fine product. However, the bullshit number of ads and bogus links are far too distracting for me.
With that warning, I do think that if you like sexy starlets and no consequences gambling, you’ll like this site. Just be sure to upgrade your firewall and install as many advert blockers as you can.
My official rating: three and a half hands.
- You get to play online poker without having to pay any money
- Your digital dealer is a sexy dame from the porn industry
- Users can rate and comment on the “dealers” they play with
- There are way too many goddamn adverts all over the place
- The layout of various elements looks a little haphazard
- With each model, the number of poses are a little limited