Kamidori Alchemy Meister

This is a story all about a man named Wilfred and his quest to put his penis inside every single vagina he can get his hands on. This man will not be stopped, especially since he’s the protagonist and it’s up to you to guide him to victory. You see, Wilfred is an alchemist, but not the boring realistic kind – no, he’s a magical alchemist. He’s also kind of shit at alchemy. But, with your help and the motivation of pussy around every corner, he’s going to excel and become the greatest alchemist the world has ever heard of. Or, he’ll just get someone pregnant and die broke, who knows? I’m not a fortune teller. What I am is a porn game reviewer and let me tell you, Kamidori Alchemy Meister is one hell of a porn game. I happen to know for a fact that this game is super popular regardless of the smut. I know a lot of people that played this bad boy solely for the story. Hell, they even patched the hentai out. I don’t understand why anyone would ever opt out of free pussy, but I guess it’s a testament to how fun this game is. Personally, it’s not my cup of tea. I like my games simple and fast and Kamidori Alchemy Meister is neither of those things. It’s slow, it’s gradual and it takes forever and a day to finish. But, the sex scenes just keep coming, so I guess I can’t really complain? Either way, this game is an absolute hentai staple and if you’re a weeb, you have no excuse – you have to play this game. It’s just that important.

Solving Problems with Cock

Wilfred is easily my favorite part of Kamidori Alchemy Meister. Normally I don’t give two shits about male protagonists in porn games. They’re self-insert surrogates. You’re not supposed to care about their personalities. But, Wilfred has conquered my heart. I feel a strong fatherly bond towards him. Why? Because he never lets anything get between him and pussy. It doesn’t matter whether he’s working, fighting, single, in a relationship or passed the fuck out – the man gravitates to pussy. Hell, he goes around the entire fucking realm acting like he can fix every problem that’s ever come up by sticking his cock in local asses. Female asses only, thankfully. I have nothing against him dicking dudes, it’s just really not my scene. In that sense, Wilfred reminds me of me when I was a young alchemist. I didn’t know shit about alchemy, but I fucked every girl I laid eyes on. I especially like how Kamidori Alchemy Meister manages to balance the serious gameplay with the pussy fucking. This game isn’t a parody and it’s certainly not a visual novel. A good 99% of the game is all about proper RPG combat. There’s nothing fap worthy during these parts of the game. But, one way or another, Kamidori Alchemy Meister always remembers to come back to the pussy, because pussy is law.

Weird Female Companions

You basically fuck a procession of babes in this game, so there’s no shortage of pussy. But, the three main babes that follow you around on your pussy fucking adventures, well, they freak me the fuck out, for very different reasons. I can’t remember their fucking names, but I like to call them Elf-Bitch, Jailbait and Batshit. Just to clarify, Elf-Bitch is an elf, Jailbait looks 8 and Batshit eats cats. Yes, she actually eats cats. No, I mean literally, you catch her trying to eat a live feline. She picks the damn thing up in her hands and looks at it like it’s a hamburger. If a woman is willing to chew a live cat to death and swallow it, imagine what she would do to your cock if you ever stuck it between her teeth. At that point it’s your fault for not responding to all the warning signs. She eats cats, for fuck’s sakes. Ok, let’s talk about the other two wackos in this game. First up, we’ve got Elf-Bitch, who is really ridiculously old and she’s also a virgin. Her entire shtick is that she wants to find true love or a husband or … something, whatever, I wasn’t paying attention, she’s got huge cans. The reason she scares me is, once you fuck a virgin, they tend to sort of gravitate towards you for a very long time until they find a new boyfriend to fawn over. That’s why I had to dial down on how many virgins I fuck. They’re too clingy, it’s not worth it. And speaking of not worth it, why in all shits would you fuck an 18-year-old girl who looks 8? Just because she’s legal? That doesn’t magically make her desirable, you know. If a chick looks like a child, then the P-P won’t go up. That’s just how that works everywhere in the world except in Japan. And, since this is a Japanese video game, one of the three main romanceable babes is basically an 18-year-old with a child’s body. This is not hot and it is not funny either. This is just how hentai works. You might not like it, but that’s the world of smut that we live in.

The Other Pussy

Ok, where do I fucking begin. Other than the completely unnecessary romance main plots, there’s also an entire army of different species of babes out there for Wilfred to deflower and defile. You can think of Wilfred as a travelling cum salesman and he’s giving out product for free to every single monster babe or runaway skank he lays his eyes on. He fucks slime babes, animal babes, ghost babes, demon babes and even The Grim Reaper. Yes, this is an actual hentai RPG in which you get to bust a nut inside … death. Wilfred is fucking fearless, man. There is no stopping his pump action cum gun. These sex scenes, unlike the story ones, come to you when you’ve defeated a specific enemy for the first time. They also arrive in the form of visual novel story, as you get full-screen renditions of the smut, but it’s less demanding than the three main bitches. Monster babes don’t tend to drone on and on about their feelings. I much prefer them to the main bitches, to be honest.

Picking Your Favorite Pussy

Kamidori Alchemy Meister is meant to be replayed several times in order to get different main endings that revolve around the main bitches in your party. Personally, I don’t think I’d recommend that you play this game a second time in order to get a new ending, especially not in one sitting. The game is fucking huge. Most of it is just RPG combat across a fucking grid. Do you really want to replay dozens of hours of combat in order to see some loli scenes? Fuck that noise. My suggestion? Go with the elf bitch. Yes, she’s a clingy weird virgin, but she has objectively the best body out of all the three. This isn’t a tough win for her as one of her two competitors has a child’s frame. But, she has larger breasts than the cat eater and also she doesn’t eat cats, so that’s a huge bonus. You can actually own a cat if the two of you decide to get married and shack up.

The Actual Game

I’ve been focusing on the pussy for so long that I forgot there’s an actual game in Kamidori Alchemy Meister. The game is a grid-based RPG where you move your characters like chess pieces and they duke it out against the enemies. You don’t choose your actions per turn like in Final Fantasy. Instead, it’s all about exploration and positioning. This is a much better combat system than the standard RPG fanfare you’re used to seeing. Still, it’s really fucking slow and long and tedious. I don’t see the point of building a hentai game around a combat system that’s this fucking monotonous. I know a lot of people like it, but I personally don’t see the appeal. I mean, you have to explore hundreds of dungeons by the time you get to the really good stuff. And yes, the good stuff is worth it; the sex scenes are in fact uncensored and super-hot. But, who has the time to play a video game for dozens of hours just to see some pussy? You could look up some actual hentai movies and be done in 10 minutes, if you’re in a hurry. You can’t do that with Kamidori Alchemy Meister. It’s a combat RPG first and a porn game second. So, if you try to play through this bad boy with your dick in your hands, you will die of exhaustion. Those are just the facts.