Platforming Porn Games

I want to play free platforming porn games where I run, jump and climb XXX obstacles to get the pussy!

I always wondered what the fuck Mario’s problem was. The dude spends his entire life crawling through dirty pipes and stomping on turtles, and for what? Have you ever seen Princess Peach put out outside of some unauthorized doujinshi? The royal bitch won’t even bestow a more lofty title on the friend-zoned sap than plumber, even after decades of putting his life on the line.

You, on the other hand, look like much less of a sucker than that mustachioed cuck or his limp-wristed brother. If you’re going to jump across pits full of spikes, dodge swinging blades of fire, and jump on a monster’s head until it dies, you better goddamn earn something good for your trouble. You know, like some ripe hentai poon or maybe some 16-bit porn cutscenes.

The free porn platformers on this list will have you running, ducking, jumping, and fighting your way through trap-filled levels on your way to pixel pussy that actually puts out. You can play speedruns while trying to rub one out as fast as possible, or immerse yourself in erotic storylines that give you an excuse to bang your way through level after level of big-boobed monster bitches and futanari rapists.

What kind of platforming porn gameplay can I expect?

The same kind of platforming gameplay you’ve known and loved your entire life, only with way more threesomes, anal play, and interspecies furry sex than any of the classic metroidvanias ever gave you. It’s that old-school side-scrolling action that has you moving right, shooting, and hopping your way to boss fights where you have to fuck a succubus into submission. Collect coins to unlock new attacks that help you bone through the hordes of whores, and explore 2D erotic worlds of incest in the forest, monster rape aboard spaceships, and lolicon perversion after school.

Dodge fireballs and wads of cum; jump over lava pits and bukkake puddles. All the twitching and button-tapping will be worth it in the end. Blast your way to victory in the form of interactive, pixelated fuck sequences, original H-scenes, and exclusive porno art. Twiddle the living fuck out of your thumbs before enjoying a great, well-earned fap with your space princesses and underworld devil bitches.

Which gamepad do you recommend to play these platforming sex games?

That’s a matter of opinion and playstyle. You can always get away with the default options; these XXX platformers were designed to be played with a keyboard and/or mouse on a computer, or by tapping the touchscreen on a mobile gizmo. You can definitely hop, skip, jump, and fuck your way to pixel porn stardom without having to invest in a third-party controller or teledildonics device.

You hardcore gamers already know the score when it comes to video game controllers. The basics seem to have been perfected when Playstation added joysticks to the Super Nintendo button scheme, and nobody has really fucked with the design in the last quarter-century. Just don’t buy the absolute bottom-of-the-barrel controller with a sticky D-pad or clunky grips. Any of the others will have you mashing buttons and smashing bubble butts in no time, giving you an upper hand against the keyboard tappers. The Steam controller is a decent option even for non-Steam porn games, and Logitech’s variations ain’t bad.

What are the best platforming porn games in 2020?

A good sex platformer has to have a solid balance of a few different elements. The gameplay has to be engaging and addictive, making you want to keep jumping and gunning your way to the next level and the next boss. Good graphics are vital, too. A lot of these are pixel-based, which can be hard to make look sexy, but the games on my list manage to keep you hard with tiny colored blocks arranged to look like explicit threesomes and virgin deflowerings. Any porn game worth its salt also needs fap material at regular intervals, so you’re not grinding away for hours just for a single BDSM scene.

Future Fragments is a good one to dive right into since they’ve got web and Windows versions. It’s a sci-fi theme, as you may have guessed from the name, with some of the most erotic audio I’ve heard in any porn game of any genre. Fans of depraved visions of the future might also appreciate Alien Quest Eve, a metroidvania featuring sex with the xenomorphs from the Alien flicks, or Noaika, a fully original game of sci-fi exploration, fighting, and h-animations.

The makers of the last one are also responsible for Eroico, one of the many fantasy-themed sex platformers on my list. You orc-killers and elf-humpers can immerse yourself in 2D worlds of perversion in Legend of Krystal Rebirth, Forest of the Blue Skin, and Unholy Disaster. There’s also Crisis Point: Extinction if you want something with breast expansion, or Almastriga if you want to fight evil but crave tentacle rape.

I also like the dark, gritty feel of Parasite In City, which seems like a really sleazy, exploitative version of the classic side-scrollers like Streets of Rage. I’ve heard Night of Revenge called the Bloodborne of porn games, but it seems more like a sexed-up and perved-out variation on Castlevania with slime, clothing destruction, and game-over rape.

PornDude, what’s your favorite platforming porn game?

Check out my review of Future Fragments if you want to know how I feel about that motherfucker. The lead character is legit sexy, as is her magical sidekick. The gameplay is relatively simple but manages to hook you with just the right level of challenge. The voice acting is out of this fucking world, and the sex scenes are top-shelf. Try the web version right now, and you’ll probably want to download the standalone version immediately. Seriously, this is a killer platformer on its own right, plus spank-worthy porno parts.

PornDude, Super Mario Bros in an XXX world, where Princess Peach is probably the number one whore!

You’ve been dreaming about this for years, haven’t you? Yeah, I’m with you, buddy. I wonder if that’s been the secret subtext the entire time. She sure has a lot of plumbers, dragon-turtle monster kings, and giant gorillas chasing after her for a bitch who only ever seems to wear a long dress. I wonder what kind of peach she’s really hiding under there.

I love that these porn games don’t keep any of the perverted shit a secret. In fact, the naked boobs and 16-bit penetration are kind of the whole point! If you like your platformers spiked with a healthy dose of airtight orgies, lesbian tribbing, and foot fetish scenes, make sure you bookmark this page. I’m always fap-testing the newest free porn platformers, and I’m always quick to update and adjust this list when I find a runner/jumper/humper worth your time, your reflexes, and your sperm cells.