Pussy Saga

Pussy Saga opens up with a fairy aiming her exposed, dripping twat at the screen, screaming, “Who the fuck are you?” Well, I’m The Porn Dude, which is why I’m playing a sex game on the bus this morning. I can hear the homeless dude behind me cranking off, and I think there’s a good chance it’s because he’s looking over my shoulder. Then again, it might just be the crack he smoked before getting on.

PussySaga.com is a free-to-play adult puzzle game and dating simulator. Perverts like me and the bum behind me have been getting their jollies to this interactive hentai fap fest for a few years now. While the game ain’t quite as popular as when it was brand new and sparkly, it’s still pulling half a million visits a month on the domain, not to mention everyone playing over at Nutaku. An Android version is also available for you mobile porn gamers.

Who’s This Big-Boobed Fairy in My Room?

Back to that wet-cunted fairy. This chick shows up in your bedroom at the very beginning, acting surprised that you’re there while you’re trying to masturbate. This intro segment is your first taste of how the conversations play out in Pussy Saga. It’s a visual novel format, so you’ll be clicking to advance the dialog and occasionally making a choice. The stakes are low in the first conversation, so it doesn’t matter much which responses you choose. Later, you’ll have to be more careful.

This manic bitch with the tits yammers away for a little while, setting up the basic plot of the game. It turns out she’s a Love Fairy and she needs you to rescue somebody.

“You see, the demon demands a bottle filled with human vagina juices,” she says. “What a pervert!” I can relate, though, because I don’t have any room for food in my fridge thanks to my growing collection of girlcum.

I’m not sure I want to fight a demon who’s just trying to appreciate pussy juice, just like I’m not trying to fight any of you fuckers just because you beat off to princess hentai. Ain’t that what the Internet was invented for? I was about to just quit playing, but then she told me what I had to do to defeat that evil demon.

“Seduce several chicks,” she told me, “and DESTROY all of their fuckholes.”

It’s hard for me to say no to something like that even when it’s just a gaggle of toothless crackwhores behind 7-11, but the bitches of PussySaga.com are fucking hot. The big-busted, big-eyed babes are drawn so well your dick is going to be raging hard and dripping. Needless to say, I was down to go on an introductory date with our fairy heroine.

Like Candy Crush, But with Anime Titties

To fuck a girl in Pussy Saga, you’ve got to have 5 successful dates. Your fairy friend will walk you through all the basics. You know, the standard hand-led tutorial you get in any of the Best Sex Games. A lot of the indies make you figure it out yourself, but these polished Nutaku joints always have some sexy bitch leading the way.

Some of you neckbeard virgins are probably all hella sweaty right now, wiping your palms on your crusty shorts and blotting your forehead with a stinky towel. Chill the fuck out, weaboos! Dates in Pussy Saga ain’t a terrifying ordeal of having to make conversation with a woman and not let on that you still live with mom. No, these dates are a whole lot more like playing Candy Crush than interacting with another human.

The puzzle gameplay is easy as hell to pick up. You hardcore gamers might hate how casual it feels, as it really seems like one of those Facebook games aimed at women in their early 30s. Dates play out on a grid covered in shit like light bulbs, strawberries, ribbons and kissy lips. Your goal is to slide them around to match at least 3 in a row. Simple, right?

It’s basic, but its simplicity makes it immediately accessible and addictive. It’s also slightly deeper than it appears at first glance, though not by much. The mechanics are certainly a step up from most NSFW puzzle games, as is the rest of the production. This game feels “real” and professional all the way through, without sacrificing the naughty bits.

Since it’s a porn game, the icons you’re lining up and destroying on the screen represent things like Lust, and to win the level you’ve got to fill up a meter shaped like a slut’s bottom half. You’ll also have the girl you’re dating oohing and aahing as you score points.

Macking Hoes and Sticking ‘Em

PussySaga.com has an extensive cast of hot anime chicks to meet and hentai to unlock. You’ll start getting photos as soon as you start going on successful dates. Not all of the pictures are that scandalous, but they get dirtier as they go. One minute you’re getting a nipple slip and the next she’s sending you pics where she’s sniffing some other babe’s panties in bed.

The girls have different personalities, which will affect how your conversations play out. You want these chats to go well, because you can unlock pics just by having 5 successful talks. The first babe I talked to preferred the nice-guy routine, so I kept choosing phrases that didn’t have anything to do with sex. The second chick was bored with that shit, but perked right up when I started talking about how I loved big titties and fucking.

The gameplay mainly consists of those visual novel conversations and the match-em-up puzzles. Your friend the fairy pops up a lot in the beginning, giving you tips on how to put the moves on these bitches. Certain moments of the intro play out on rails, guiding you to make specific moves and choices.

One of the things the love fairy had me do on an early date was buy this chick a gift so she’d be a little more willing to give it up when I took her out. She told me I should always bring gifts, advice I took to heart. Trouble was, I didn’t have enough gems to buy any after that first outing.

How to Get Rich in Pussy and Gems

There are other ways to better your chances with a girl, like improving her personality. The trouble is, that costs a ton of gems, too. Gems are the most useful of the resources you’ll collect in Pussy Saga, so naturally they’re pretty fucking hard to come by.

Like every other polished, pretty and professional porn game, PussySaga.com has optional in-app purchases that will help you go on more successful dates and unlock more nudes sooner. The game is pretty aggressive with the advertising. They don’t need to be, because you’ll notice immediately that you’re at a disadvantage as a free player. Those fucking gems are going to be a real bottleneck.

Your energy recharges naturally regenerates with time, but if you’re actively playing the game, you’re going to run out after a few dates. Guess how you can get more energy without waiting? Yep, it’ll cost you more gems. Free players are basically stuck playing the game in spurts, which is fine if you’re just looking for a quick lunchbreak fap. For marathon sessions, you’re going to need to put some tokens in the machine.

The aggressive methods they use to get you to spend money on a free game are definitely my least favorite part of Pussy Saga. I always expect in-app purchases in a game that looks and plays this well, but the better games aren’t such dicks about it. It’s like they’re making you ride with training wheels.

If you can get past the bullshit with the gacha, Pussy Saga is legit one of the Best Porn Games. The artwork is fapworthy and the game is just all-around fun to play. Look, as much as the hardcore gamers talk shit about games like Bejeweled and Candy Crush Saga, there’s a reason they’re so damn popular. Pussy Saga takes that addictive puzzle gameplay and puts a bunch of anime porn in it. That’s just a winning formula.