Uddertale

Ever play Undertale? I always thought it was interesting how you didn’t have to kill any of your enemies, because I’ve always been a dude ruled by my own lizard-brain impulses. Fucking and fighting is all I know, man! I think that’s a big part of the reason I prefer Uddertale. It might be even more non-violent than Undertale, but it’s sure got a hell of a lot more explicit, kinky sex.

Uddertale is an indie porn RPG where you get dominated by a big-breasted goat woman and fuck pies. I didn’t think it was much like Undertale, but that’s a good thing. The game is Patreon-supported, with patrons earning access to exclusive game content, early preview builds, and source materials. I’m a fucking cheapskate, though, so I’m just going to play it on the web for free.

You Wake Up in a Dark Hole

The game opens with some cutesy Nintendo music and a wall of text telling you about the hole you’ve fallen into. It’s dark, you’ve hit your head, and knocked yourself out. You’re sitting there with your brain hurting when some mysterious broad comes out of the shadows, saying, “Come, my child. You look a bit worn out from your travels. You’re welcome to stay with me while you recover. Just follow this trail, my house is not far.”

It’s too dark and your head is throbbing too hard to make out much, but you can see that “Her figure is full and voluptuous.” That’s good enough for me, in real life and in video games, so I followed her along.

The wall of text fades out and you get to see the first graphics of the game. It’s your saviour, a goat lady with blue anime eyes, floppy ears, tiny stubs for horns, and absolutely fucking enormous titties. This bitch is beyond thicc, reaching into the BBW range with a rack that straddles her chest, boobies flopping to each side. The art ain’t bad; something about the curves and her nipples poking through her dress make me want to make babies.

Her name is Tori. She’s happy to see me, and the place smells like pie, but she immediately starts talking about how I’m going to be living with her now. I started getting some serious Misery vibes as she took my hand and led me down the hallway.

“This is it,” she says. “A room of your own. I hope you like it!”

You’ll get some dialog options from time to time, and here comes your first one. “Lady,” I said, “I don’t even know you.”

The Uddertale chick blushed and agreed with me, but immediately ran off because she smelled her pie burning. She also told me to stay the fuck out of her room and out of the basement. Tori left me in the hallway outside of her room and my own, so I started exploring.

If Misery Was a Furry Porn Story

Uddertale has an old-school point-and-click interface that’ll remind oldheads of ‘90s-era Windows adventure games. Buttons on the button of the screen change your cursor to let you Look, Take, or Go, plus an Item button that brings up your inventory. It’s easy as hell to play, with almost no learning curve.

Before I even go check out my bedroom, I notice an ominous note on the door: “My Pet”. Fuck, this bitch is crazy. It’s only a matter of time until she breaks my legs with a sledgehammer and orders me to rewrite my review of Harem Heroes without all the swear words.

I was expecting Undertale’s top-down perspective, but I’m not disappointed with the first-person view. I go into my new bedroom and take a look around. The books on the shelf are all dirty, but I manage to find a condom and a stray sock while poking around.

In Tori’s room, I find a detailed fecal journal where she catalogs her poops. There’s a bookshelf in here, too, this time with books like Bald Bossy Bitches and Dick Nipple Pissers. You’d probably get along really well with this furry broad.

Nothing bad happened when I went into Tori’s room, so I figured I could try the basement next. She got in my way and told me to go back. Ooh, a mystery! I guess I’ll have to try again later.

Wear a Rubber if You Fuck the Pie

I found Tori sitting in the living right after she kicked me out of the basement, so I guess Uddertale is a world of magic. She was reading with a book between her massive melons, but I was still trying to figure out what the fuck was going on. I interrupted whatever erotica she was reading to ask her some questions.

Tori talks like she’s looking out for me, but she’s only giving vague answers and she’s not letting me leave. She says I’ve got to stay until I recover. I can’t figure out exactly who she is or what she is, nor do I know where I am.

And with that, she gets back to reading, leaving me to wander her home. I went into the kitchen one room over and found a pie on the counter. I decided to do what any red-blooded dude would do: fuck that pie. These are weird times, though. I’ve been kidnapped by a goat lady, and I don’t know her COVID-19 status. That’s why I put a condom on before I fucked the pie.

The pie became sentient. Suddenly, it had feminine eyes and a mouth. I was determined, though, so I started fucking her pie face. Uddertale showed me one of many perverted sex animations, to which I may or may not have spent a few minutes pleasuring myself to. Ever beat off to a pie sex cartoon? There’s a first time for everything.

WTF Is Going on Here?

I played through the beginning of Uddertale a couple times, wondering if I’d done something wrong. Your actions impact what happens next in the game, so I saw some immediate changes. Last time, I’d fucked the pie without a rubber and burnt my dick before dropping the pastry on the floor. This is more satisfying.

I didn’t want to miss out on anything later, so when Uddertale presented me with the option, I rinsed out the condom to save for later. Because I’m such a heavy consumer of latex technology, I’ve developed in similar technique for use in real life and I’ve been trying to sell my process to Trojan. Look for official Porn Dude Recycled Condoms on sale soon!

Tori was still reading on the couch when I came in, put the condom on and fucked the sock to completion. She didn’t pay any fucking attention at all, so naturally I tried to give her the cummy condom-sock when I was done.

She calls me a sad boy and then says, “Well, maybe we should take care of the problem.” She grabs my cock and away we go with another one of those sex animations. There’s some smooth jazz as I titty-fuck Tori and she sucks my dick. I’ve literally got my dick in my hand as Uddertale tells me, “If you weren’t a furry before, you are now.”

One of the things I like about Uddertale is how the sex scenes are connected by a kinky, intriguing storyline. I was legit interested in how I really got to this bitch’s house, who she was, and if I’d ever escape. I was also curious what was in the basement, which I gained access to the next day. I don’t want to spoil the whole thing for you, but there’s a BDSM dungeon down there. You’re going to get hurt.

I’ll go ahead and say it: Uddertale is a much better game than Undertale, and I ain’t even a furry. Undertale doesn’t have any explicit sex animations, but Uddertale does, plus some mysteries to unravel between jacking off to the game. It’s a free RPG you can play right now on the web without downloading anything, so you can get into it right now instead of working.