Where The Heart Is

Could it be? Another Patreon funded incest game with 3D rendered bitches? Why yes, it can. That’s exactly what Where the Heart Is is all about. This here gem of a 3D visual novel has you playing as a random nobody with no discernable characteristics other than a gigantic penis and a desire to get inside every vagina within a 20-mile radius. So in other words, he’s me, without the charm. Also, I don’t want to bang my family members. But, in the world of Patreon funded porn games, everything goes. It’s kind of funny, since Patreon do not allow incest anywhere near their site. The game had to be censored, but you know how this works. You download a patch from the developer’s site and you mod the incest back in. For the purpose of this review I’m going to assume that that’s how you’re going to play the game, because that’s what the developers originally had in mind.

The game comes out in episodes that start and end the action in satisfying ways, so the developers never really blue ball you. I guess they figured that people wouldn’t be too pleased with being left hard in the middle of a story, so they decided to chop up the story in chapters. It works really well as far as I’m concerned and you only need the latest version in order to play all of the chapters that came before. Plus, the game is hosted online on countless websites so it’s playable in-browser. You can thank Ren’Py for that. That engine’s done so much for porn visual novels, it’s astounding. So yeah, this game will run on a toaster, or in-browser or you can download it to a Windows PC. Natively, it’s all 1080p so you’re definitely looking at a quality title. All right, enough delay, let’s dig into the smut.

A Simple Story

You’ve read this one before, at least a hundred times. You play as a random dude-bro who comes home after being away for a while, hoping to rekindle past relationships. In this case, you’re mostly bonding with your family members. Namely, your mother, your bitch sister and your prude sister. All three of them are so hot that if I had to choose which one I’d like to bang the most I’d give myself an aneurism. Luckily, the game doesn’t make you choose. You can have them all. This is a great example of having your cake and eating it too.

You arrive back home and they greet you with open arms. They’re glad to see you again. Naturally, all three of them have some sort of stick up their butt and if you remove the stick you free up space to insert your penis. I’m really good at these kinds of analogies. The story runs really quickly and smoothly and I fucking love that. You don’t go more than 30 seconds without seeing a particularly fuck-worthy pair of tits, unless you’re staring at a round, plump ass and fantasizing about giving her a rim.

Right off the bat, it’s pretty clear that all three of these babes have the hots for you, even though they’re related to you. I have a sneaking suspicion that the people that make these games don’t actually know what real incest looks like, because real incest is fucking disgusting and reads more like a tragic drama than a lighthearted comedy. Luckily, this game isn’t realistic at all. Every time you hug your family members a bit too long or try to grip a bit of side-boob, they think that’s just the bees’ knees. They’re overjoyed to have your hands all-over them. It’s all just casual fun. So, it’s not going to take long for them to ease up to hardcore penetration. It’s really just a matter of time.

Extremely Hot Tits and Asses

I’m going to be honest with you, this is far from the hottest 3D visual novel I’ve ever seen. That award goes to A Wife and Mother. If I had to pick a gripe out of a hat it would be the faces. They’re fine if they’re just sort of sitting around idly, but when they start to smile at you, you’ll get uncanny valley vibes. Seriously, when your character whips his dick out and the babes in this game start to smile straight at the camera, it’s not sexy, it’s terrifying and I want it to stop. They’re prettier from behind, I’ll say that much.

Speaking of behinds, there are some quality asses in this game. I am willing to bet that the reason the faces look so weird is because they blew their budget on the bodies and good on them. I can put a paper bag over a woman’s head if her face is fucked, but I can’t fix a flat chest or an unfuckable ass. Then again, I’ve never seen an ass on a girl that I didn’t want to fuck, but that’s beside the point. The chicks are hot, their nipples are perky, their tits are large and their skin looks like it was made to be plastered in cum. The sisters especially look like every man’s fantasy.

I particularly like the shy one, I forget her name. You won’t have trouble recognizing her, though. She’s the one with the gigantic knockers in the yellow sweater. I swear, she’s only wearing that sweater because it makes her tits look all the more massive. This game really gets me going. Right from the second I started it up I knew I was in for the time of my life. And, the whole damn thing is free to play. Can you fucking believe that?

The Gameplay

I actually really loved the gameplay to Where the Heart Is, because there were fail conditions. I don’t see this often in similar games. Usually, you choose what you want to do next and then the story progresses. In this game, you have to pick your battles and push boundaries. This becomes clear within the first five fucking minutes of the game. You get home, your mom greets you with open arms and you immediately get to choose whether you want to hug her or shake her hand. Either way, she’s not going to protest. That’s fine.

But, when she starts going up the stairs and you follow, you realize she’s not wearing panties. You think that maybe she’s doing this for you. Maybe she wants you to stare. Maybe she wants you to get closer, close enough to smell her wet pussy. Maybe she wants you to just whip your dick out and stick it inside her right then and there. Well, no, not really. And, if you stand too close she’ll get upset, slap you and kick you out of the house. This ends the game. I loved this kind of gameplay, because it meant that you have to keep pushing until you get as close as you can get, before pissing the other person off. It’s like edging or blue-balling. I absolutely can’t get enough of this shit.

Tons of Babes

I mentioned the mom, the sister and the other sister. Believe it or not, there are five other babes in this game and they’re even more cock hungry than your family members. It’s a never-ending party up in here. My favorite is your mom’s best friend who dead ass forces herself on you when no-one’s looking. I wish there were more predatory cougars like that in my life when I was younger. But alas, such women only exist in porn games.

Either way, the babes in this game are very varied and that really helps Where the Heart Is shine. It’s sort of a “one of each” kind of situation. There are big tits and small tits. Giant asses and tiny asses. Blondes, brunettes, blondes and even a chick with grey hair for some reason. Their skin tones vary wildly too, from a pale albino to a dark skinned goddess. Hell, there’s even a short haired lesbian looking chick. Where The Heart Is really covers the spread with its babes. The game literally has something for everyone. Plus, you get to bang them all, so it’s not like you have to pick a favorite. Bang them all. That’s what they’re there for.

If you’re into women and you don’t have a girlfriend, do yourself a favor and get your hands on Where the Heart Is. This game is entirely free to play and once a new version comes out you can just plop the new files into the same folders. Your save will be compatible. The developers really wanted you to have fun with this one and they definitely knew what they were doing when they built the damn game engine. So by all means, fap away.